Mount & Blade is perhaps one of the goofiest looking games I've played. It aims for realism but the graphics just aren't up to snuff; the blood is just red color over the armor and skin textures, the blocking animations draw attention to the wiry arms, none of the swinging animations look like they'd actually hurt someone due to their slowness, and the death animations are reminiscent of Goldeneye, where people fall dramatically to their knees and make a faceplant. The faces on characters never change beyond a blank but alert stare, and more often than not their lips seem puckered up like they've eaten something bitter. At least you can have an amazing beard or mustache, or both (if you're into that kind of thing, weirdo).
In spite of all that, this game is a lot of fun. After creating a short and totally irrelevant history for your character (to determine starting stats), you go around adventuring, working for lords, noblemen, and village leaders for gold and loot. The more you kill, the more you get experience, and you level up to increase skills like weapon mastery, horse riding, and leadership. Learning how to block is a fun and integral part of melee combat, and horseback archery You go around recruiting soldiers to work for your mercenary force, eventually taking part in bigger battles, up to laying sieges on castles, and perhaps becoming king or queen.
Not that you need to become ruler of all the land; I was more than content just pillaging the peasantry. They're extremely pathetic, those peasants. By myself, I was able to destroy a village of around 200 of them, just by circling around the massive mob on horseback, shooting my crossbow. It took 2 hours, but think about; I just slaughtered an entire village alone. No army, no backup, just me, on my horse. I'm like Sauron, but I don't need a stupid magic ring. Those puny rocks and wood clubs were nothing to my superior circling abilities. Counter-Strike taught me circle-strafing bunny hopping well.
The kingdom of the village I pillaged, Swadia, didn't really seem to care. I lost 4 reputation with them, but they were still marked as indifferent. I even went up to the local nobleman in his fort, and he dully noted after I introduced myself that I was the one who attacked Yalibe. I then asked him for a job, and he told me to escort a caravan, offering a a little over a hundred denar. I politely declined.
Unconcerned with petty cash, I raided another peasant village, taking another two hours, and gaining another thousand denar or so. Took another -4 hit to reputation. Easy. Or so I thought.
That jaded nobleman didn't take so kindly to my thuggish behavior. I went back to his castle to see if he had a less-crappy job for me now that some time had passed, but the moment I was in range he came at me with 120 troops, and after dully noting that I had been pillaging (again), he demanded my surrender. No bandit outlaw with a penchant for robbing peasants worth their salt would surrender, and neither did I. After all, if I can kill 200 peasants alone, what's to say I couldn't take out 120 troops?
They had horses.
Suddenly my circle-strafing tactics didn't work. 40 horses, swarming! They were everywhere, and they were faster! I couldn't shake them all, and my horse was cut down. I soon followed, becoming a lance pincushion.
Those rotten Swadian bastards dragged me around for a couple days until I escaped. I expected an instant beheading or hanging, which I thought was a common punishment for a mass-murdering bandit, but whatever. I plotted my revenge. I would need an army.
Getting an army is tough. You have to hire mercenaries, which are expensive, feed them, and keep them from dying in combat. I was in the process of doing that, but then I got distracted with another game: Terraria.
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